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A Guilty Pleasure that Speeds up Success

A Guilty Pleasure that Speeds up Success

I used to feel guilty about needing validation.
Whether it was an idea I had, a presentation I delivered, or a course I wanted to create.
I needed someone to tell me:

This is good.
Good enough.

You’re on to something, you should keep going.

This was even more prevalent when I was writing my book. Looking back now with 100% certainty, I can say that I could not have crossed the finish line without validation.

Validation from others was instrumental in any of the big ideas and projects I embarked on.

However, we get embarrassed or think less of ourselves when we feel the need to go out there to ask someone what they think.

Do you like it? Is this good?’ Underneath it all, what we’re really asking is, ‘Am I good enough?’

I want us to stop feeling bad about going out there to get validation.

The fact is your brain is wired to look at what is wrong and not working. It’s pre-programmed with negativity bias. Its default is to pick apart your ideas, client interactions, or the last post or comment you put up on LinkedIn or Instagram. This negativity bias is a fear response. It’s not “out to get you” or knock you off your game; it’s there to keep you safe. It’s scary putting your ideas, services, and ambitions out there for others to see and judge. Your brain defaults to negativity bias to safeguard you: saving you from risking potential ridicule, while at the same time, holding you back from following your dreams.

This is where validation helps. It can broaden your perspective. It gives you more information than the limiting point of view your negativity biased brain resorts to. It gives you context and confidence to move forward. That was what I got every time I submitted my pages for review or did a dry run of a presentation or ran a pilot program for one of my workshops or courses. I received in-the-moment feedback on what worked and what didn’t. Even more than that, I scored a point for the home team instead of the fear visitor.

Also, research has shown that about 50% of our personality and our self-worth feelings are inherited; the rest is environmental (Horsburgh, Schermer, Veselka, & Vernon, 2009; Svedberg, Hallsten, Narusyte, Bodin, & Blom, 2016; Bleidorn et al., 2018 as noted in this article).

In other words, 50% of the confidence you have in your own worth and abilities comes from your nature – it’s innate and part of your DNA. That could be good news if you naturally feel confident, don’t take things personally or don’t get crushed by fear’s force. But what if you were born with 50% shaky self-esteem?

What I love about this research is that even though our brains are programmed with negativity bias, and even though some of us are more susceptible to crescendo to self criticism and judgement… we can do something about it. The other half of the confidence equation is environment. Your environment informs and influences not only who you are, but who you become.

If you could get the confidence boost you need from someone telling you, this is good, you’re on to something, keep going; if you were working within an environment of support and encouragement – would you be quicker to decide, launch, try, post, invent?

Why not use this powerful technique – validation – to help you get unstuck and get moving?

Do you know what question Oprah gets asked by every guest she interviews? Whether it’s Beyonce or Barack Obama… “Everybody that I ever interviewed after every interview at some point somebody would say, ‘How was that? Was that OK? How’d I do?

So you see – validation is normal! Even those who we’d categorize as ‘making it’ or ‘having it all’ or ‘got it going on’ need to know they did well and are good enough.

I invite you to surrender to asking for help, feedback, and, yes, validation. It’s not a humiliating act, rather one that takes bravery because you chose to make yourself, your ideas, and your work visible.

What idea, program, service are you hesitating on? Could asking for validation – without feeling guilty or ashamed – be the one thing you do today to get you moving onwards and upwards?

With love,
Finka

Are these 3 Selling Myths holding you back from sales, clients, and money? Find out how to replace fear, discomfort and anxiety with ease, grace, and integrity – for a profitable business you and your clients will love.

Join me for a FREE MASTERCLASS on October 24, 2021 at 8:00pm

Conquer Fear & Frustration in Selling:
What’s really keeping you for more clients and profit

In this Masterclass you will learn:

  • It’s not your fault! Discover what’s really happening behind the scenes that holds you back from serving more clients and building a financially viable business.
  • Top selling opportunities you can take advantage of now, so you don’t shortchange your clients, impact, and earning power.
  • The exact path to a new way to sell with ease, grace and integrity for a profitable business you and your clients will love.

To learn more visit https://sellfromlove.com/masterclass2021

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Module 07Design a Marketing Strategy that Feels Good

The goal of this module is to make your Brilliant Difference and Most Important Thing Offer – VISIBLE.

There’s a saying, build it and they will come. We wish that it worked this way, rather fear does; because then we wouldn’t have to put our selves out there, up for judgement and rejection. Sharing your work, your services and expertise can be scary. But when we come from a place of love, as author Susan Jeffers says we “feel the fear and do it anyway.”

That is how we sell from love. We acknowledge fears presence and at the same time we take action that is aligned to our deepest desire and highest potential and possibility.

In this module we talk about the journey of making you and your offer visible to your clients and the milestones along the way, that will ultimately get you both to a place of saying YES, to working with each other.

Visibility is an option you decide on. My hope after this module is that you make a decision to be visible, in a way that feels good to you and is on the edge of your comfort zone. We need more of you, your Brilliant Difference and your work out in the world. Let’s help your ideal clients find you by showing them where you are.

In this Module you will:

Module 06Craft a Compelling Offer

The goal of this module is to clarify and confirm your most important thing – your offer.  In essence, it is what are you selling that you will use to serve your clients with and help facilitate the transformations they are seeking.

There are two important parts of the offer conversation we need to highlight here –

  • What are you offering to your clients – what are they getting?
  • What your clients are offering to you – what you are receiving for extending that offer?

Fear as a tendency to get in the way when we get to this part of the selling process.  But, not anymore, because you’re seeing that your offer is not about you, it’s about your clients and what they will get as a result of working with you.

In this Module you will:

Module 05Define Your Clients’ Transaction to Transformation Story

The goal of this module is to help you identify what is really happening when you sell. There’s the thing you are selling, and then there’s the thing your client is buying. What are the differences? And how do you not let selling from fear interfere and water down your transformation to a transaction.

At every stage of selling, fear has an opportunity to enter, this is even more prevalent when we are engaging and enrolling a client into our offers. This module is all about getting you aligned to what you are really selling – a transformation and giving you the tools to communicate that to your clients. This way you and your client are on the same page with what you are selling and what they are buying.

In this Module you will:

Module 04Discover Your Essential Client Conversation Skills

The goal of this module is to help you learn and understand how to create an environment that facilitates trust, connection, and confidence with your clients.  You play a critical role in making this happen for yourself and your clients, so fear does not get in the way of your intentions and impact.  In this module you’ll learn how to create a safe space for your clients that help them choose you as their trusted adviser.  You’ll also walk away with the most important conversation skills you need to that will help you do that.

In this Module you will:

Module 03Use Love as a Sales Strategy

The goal of this module is to help you move from your comfort zone and into your courage zone with love. Selling is filled with opportunities for fear to poke its head up inevitably holding you back from sharing your work and making the impact you know you are here to make. This is why we need to acknowledge that fear will be there, especially in times when you’re doing something you’ve never done before or reaching for goals you’ve never set out to accomplish before. This module is all about equipping you with the right tools to move forward with confidence, elegance, and ease.

In this Module you will:

Module 02Claim Your Brilliant Difference

The goal of this module is to help you discover and name your Brilliant Difference. This uniqueness you bring is here to add value and make change in the world. It’s here to make the word a better place. Focusing on who you are and finding the words to articulate your Brilliant Difference is fundamental to loving yourself, the first pillar to sell from love.
In this Module you will:

Module 01Unlock the Power of Love

The goal of this module is to increase awareness of when you are selling from love vs. fear and how embracing a new definition of selling will help you move closer to love.  Plus, you’ll learn all about how to manage the fears you face every time you market yourself and your business, make offers to sell your products and services, start on a new project or business idea.

In this Module you will: